Anomaly
When you look up the
definition of this uncommonly used word, it translates to something differing
from the "normal" and quite honestly, that is the best and only way I
could describe my life and even who I am.
It is a weirdly
satisfying feeling when you have completely pulled the dark and uncomfortable
thoughts from the storm inside of your brain. Conjuring up the idea to do so
and the actual process of extraction from the brain to the laptop, however, is
terrifying. The thought that one day the outside world would be introduced to
the monsters in my head and even have an opinion about them, is well, kind of
unfathomable.
Every molecule in my
brain told me not to be so open, not to share this part of me. Let's face it,
while this world is beautiful in it's 4k brillance, there are moments when a
switch is flipped and the cold darkness rushes through. As tightly knit we are
as a human race, we are also equally divided, especially these days. Smash
Mouth had it right all of those years ago, "It's the end of the world as
we know it...".
No matter how loudly
my brain screamed at me to not enter this adventure, my heart screamed louder
for me to jump and start typing (a megaphone always makes a profoud statement
lol). So, with a long deep breath and one final doubtful thought I grabbed an
iced coffee, my laptop, headphones and released the Gremlins in my head.
There were two main
focuses when jumping down this rabbit hole..firstly, I wanted to be completely
open with every thought that I decided to share. A "no holds bar",
even if it made every bone in my body uncomfortable, which it did lol. See, I
have always believed that it is within the uncomfortable that we really learn
and grow, unfiltered. We have all heard this before, but how true it
is.."glow sticks can't glow without darkness.".
Secondly, I wanted
Anomaly to read as though you and I are just two friends sitting in a coffee
shop, getting lost in conversation and cold brew coffees with vanilla sweet
cream. I wanted anyone who ended up coming across Anomaly to know that they're
not in any way alone, that while our battles may differ slightly or while the
generations may span out, I know...I get it.
It is so important
to continue the mental health conversation, it is so important to continue to
shine that 80 watt bulb on the monsters of Anxiety, Depression and Suicide.
This will never be a "one and done" convo, continuing the chat and
spreading the awareness is what's going to continue to lessen and hopefully end
the stigma against mental health.
To those who fight
these battles I say this to you...Never be ashamed..Never hide your marvelous
self and Never be quiet about your mental health.
To the world, we all
have a battle we are dealing with, they differ in type and size, but these
battles are being fought. With this knowledge, we should all have a more
understanding mind.
Hidden Pieces
There are several
layers to Anomaly, some that the naked mind may not pickup on..
First, the storm
painted around my left eye represents the storm inside my mind, a storm that's
been thundering since day one. I wanted you to see what has always been hidden
away inside. My best friend, Coryn, is the master artist behind that storm. She
was able to take my vision and paint it on my face. The perfect storm created from
eyeshadows and white liquid eyeliner.
Purple, this was a
definite when creating Anomaly, it just ran through every thought. Purple means
creativity, wisdom, power and magic. These being the traits that I wanted
stitched into every conjured up piece. It also happens to be my favorite color,
a color I feel a sense of calm from.
The tempo of Anomaly
needed to be a balance of discomfort and a warm hug. While I needed the calm
purple thoughts to intertwine, I wanted to make your mind think, open up and
possibly even transform a bit. I wanted to dance with you under the eeiry
silence of the beautiful midnight sky.
The scent of Anomaly
is a soothing mix of cinnamon and vanilla..yes, I actaully smelled these two
comforting scents while writing Anomaly. My senses are kinda crazy, but when
writing any new piece, my senses starting spinning. I don't just picture how my
writing is going to look, I hear and feel the entire process. Which brings me
to the reasoning as to why I always curate a playlist to my work, why I place a
lyrical quote at the end of each piece..Music has always calmed my overdriven
mind, even as a baby. Music calms, it inspires, it brings my world together, it
keeps me intact. Music doesn't just cause you to shake what your Mama gave you,
it heals the wounds that are hidden inside. Music is writing in motion.
What can I say...my
mind is an anomaly.
It's
3am...While most minds are in a blissful state of slumber, mine is
wide awake conjuring and pondering endless thoughts. Eyes are fixated
on the dark popcorn ceiling above and ears are soaking in blue tunes
as my autopilot mind becomes overwhelmed with the past, future and
every cherry topped dream in between.
These
thoughts range from warm and fuzzy to dark and slightly crippling.
Sometimes I wish that my mind had an off switch so that I could power
down at night. No such luck. So, wakie wakie! Grab yourself a coffee
and a snack because it's 3am and I have so many thoughts to share
with you.
As someone with anxiety, writing is my way of speaking. When my verbal skills fail, my pen excels.
I have always had something to say to the world and to the humans residing in it, I just could never get my mind and mouth to be on the same level. So, I picked up a pen and haven't looked back. I have a message for you.
A message for my family, my friends and to all the beating hearts. Dear You is a letter personally written, from me to you.
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